Wednesday, November 30, 2005Second day of work. . . i realised i couldn't really click well with the rest of my colleagues. . . I didn't know why, but somehow feel that they are like. . . quite cold towards me. . . I wonder if it's because i couldn't speak their language or whether my face just shone them off. . . or even because my working attitude pissed them off. . . Haiz. . my interpersonal relationship with others is really horrible. . .
Luckily the captain was nice. . . Yes, i mean the one today. . . She's sorta unlike other captain i had experienced in other restaurant. . She don't put on air and speak to you really nicely and patiently as well. . . Made me feel really guilty if i could not do as she told. . . So everything i just tried to do as she taught me, even as other didn't follow suit. . .
I've been sticking to this line. . waiter. . for like 5years. .? and i've been thinking that why had i been taking up such jobs all these while. . Well, i guess i got an answer for myself. . . Put the reason that i couldn't find other job aside, i realised that it kill off time the fastest compare to other trade. . It's not an easy job being a waiter as there are times where you can get real busy. . . but it's at this busy moment where times pass the fastest. . my captain today share the same sentiment as me. . . Imagine a job where you just stand or sit down there for time to pass, even though you get paid, it's no different to getting yourself imprisoned. . . So i mean, waiter is not an awful job afterall. . . but i still cant find reason to deny that it's a low-class job. . . you just have to see the face of others in this line, it's totally unavoidable. .
Tuesday, November 29, 2005So. . . this was my first day at taka. . . and i'm still alive and kicking. . . everyday went smooth and fine, except perhaps maybe for some minor mistakes here and there. . . Not too bad a performance for a nooby like me, among a group of vietnamese waiters and waitresses who appeared so experience to me. . . I talked to few them while working. . . found out that they were here for the 'food and beverage' diploma. . . One of them. . ah Moon. . was even a university graduate at vietnam. .! Well. . . anyway they all were nice people except that sometimes i didn't quite get what they are talking about. . . And oh. . by the way. . . i wanted to be known as keith there. . ! Really learned alot of things today and i've understood that a change of environment is good man. . !
Sunday, November 27, 2005A week's gone. . . And here i am. . still wandering where am i. . . where have all the fun gone. . ?
I realised i've been down on my luck recently. . . fell and spilled a dish of steamed garoupa while working yesterday. . . and recent events just isn't any good to speak of. . . damn man. . . i guess i've to admit that i am letting my mood rule my life. . . this few days of bad mood have been giving me lotsa problems. . . really hope this will end soon. . . give me something that can lighten my mood. . . something worth to be happy of. . ?
My brother. . . now heading the bowen alumni. . . wish to recruit more ex-bowenians into the association, and engaged my help. . . I've asked wan teng and some other guys. . no one seems to be keen. . . this isn't looking good. . . i've heard of him speaking of big plans ahead, and i thought recruiting gonna be easy, given the number of bowenians that had graduated so far. . . but from how things are going. . . maybe, they are slightly too ambitious. . . bowenians. . . as they are. . are afterall. . still bowenians. . . they are unlike those i know of. . victorians. . . like zixiang. . . ever so enthusiastic about their mother school, ever so proud of being the old boys of vs. . . so bowen alumni. . . still a long way to go. . .
Alright. . tomorrow starting work at taka seafood buffet restaurant. . . new workplace, new environment. . hope everything will go fine. . .
Friday, November 25, 2005I've been running for the consecutive third day. . . And alright. . i've proved that i am capable of running but the problem now. . . i can't do pull up. . ! Yesterday was running with william and well. . doing pull-up seems nothing to him. . . obviously what i saw was it took as though no effort for him to get 10 times up. . . and for me. . ? i struggled even to get myself up once. . . eventually, i gave up and settled for one. . . 'embarrassment' clearly written on my face. . . Oh god. . i desperately needa train myself up. . . the question is. . . how.? Been lifting weight for like a month or so. . . and instead of helping me to get better, i became worst. . used to be able to do at least 3. . and now. .? one. . what the heck man. . . I'm really weak. . .
Anyway. . . packed my drawers today. . . threw away lotsa of old things and flipped through some old stuffs. . . Old stuffs. . . these brought me back with memories. . . . Most of these are cards recieved when i was in primary school. . . Can't believed that i have kept them so nicely till now. . . filled with a mixture of emotions as i read through them. . .
I really regret. . . most of these cards i received from have already lost contact with me. . . and maybe for a few, i guess our friendship have already been lost. . . it kinda sad. . . I just felt i am the cause of all these. . . i'm too dao and insensitive. . . sorry. . . suddenly yearn to know how they are doing now. . . all those times we shared. . . especially the last few moments we spent at the chalet together. . . haiz. . .
Well. . . while there are old stuffs. . . there were new stuffs as well. . . a few gifts from ya hui. . . i hasn't really had a good look at them until just now. . . they weren't expensive stuffs but i will certainly cherish them alot. . . it's not for any other reason but because these things, mostly came from her own hands, just give me the feeling that they all were true and sincere. . . i'm not really sure that was exactly how i feel but i guess that's the best i can say if i'm to use words to describe. . . so i mean. . we will always be friend no matter what happen. . .
Not sure whether i'm too sensitive or what, but i just feel this week just isn't going quite right for me. . . everybody seems to be leaving. . . joseph going back to hong kong, zixiang going to new zealand. . . it's as though my world is getting with fewer people. . . and i'm getting more bored with my life. . . lost my direction in life. . . it's as if all that i'm waiting now is for national service to come and pick me up. . . haiz. . i am freaking going crazy if this goes on. . .
Thursday, November 24, 2005This day. . . one year ago. . . i am there in yunan, dali, xia he chuan village. . . The weather at night chilling. . . With our winter jackets on, few of us were staring into the sky, almost entirely occupied with stars. . . of different size, different brightness, different colours. . . it's a spectacular slight, something you never get to see in the brightly-lit Singapore sky. . . Others were there, playing majong, poker cards, chinese chess, chatting. . . There. . . though we were shivering at such low temperature. . . we were just happy there. . . sometimes i just wish to go back to those moments. . . at least then, i won't be feeling so pissed as now. . .
Yunan. . . it's been a year. . . those memories still vivid in my mind. . . as if it was just yesterday. . . Time just flies so fast. . . Pissed pissed pissed. . .! I just feel so pissed. . .
No one can stand my attitude, just get lost. . . I hate changes. . . especially changes that cropped up last minute and ruin the whole of my schedule. . . just what should i do now. .? maybe spend the remaining time of my day playing Winning Eleven. .? Oh gosh. . . i don't like this feeling. . . it just spoil my mood. . .
Anyway. . . It's all over. . . I just knew it's over and that's it for A level, even though i clearly realised i have screwed this last paper. . . I don't wish to comment any further, my momentum has been lost ever since the physics paper 3 on last wednesday. . . and now, this paper just appeared to be another one that i'm obliged to do in order to complete the whole process. . .
I'm just back from my salon, my hair now reddish-blond in colour. . . I'm not sure is it cool to have the whole hair like this, but certainly i hope my $51 spent hasn't been wasted like this. . .
Wednesday, November 23, 2005It's a good day to slack. . . It's been so long as i realised. . . had i really have a chance to just stay at home for the whole day like this. . . slacking and wasting my time away. . . Such a feeling is good. . . a kinda of pleasure. . . but i can't really seem to enjoy it. . . maybe because the examination mood in me hasn't gone. . . i still feel a certain kinda discomfort as i tried to indulge myself in this slacking process. . . Now then i learnt slacking is actually a form a therapy, a way to get your weary mind and soul to rest and enjoy the 'beauty of wasting time away'. . . Seriously, they say 'time is money', so wasting time is just like going out on a shopping spree. . . It makes one relax and happy. . .
Tuesday, November 22, 2005I hope i have not screwed things out. . . But i tried my best. . sorry. . I guess things just didn't work right from the beginning. . . So i thought maybe. . . just forget about it. . .
Chee yong was probably right. . . The sequence all jumbled up. . . The first step was wrong. . . We have neglected the fact that she's someone from the neighbourhood. . . That could explain the 'freak out' incident. . . Whatever the case. . . It will not be easy to start all over again. . though not impossible. . . Alright. . end of story. .
I nearly bought a $59 shirt yesterday. . ! And luckily, Zixiang was wise to suggest that i go back to the shop and exchange it for two cheaper shirts. . . Can you imagine how i felt the instance when i realised the shirt actually cost that much because it belongs to the 'limited edition' cartegory and paid so reluctantly though eventually. . . My whole face just change. . . The thought of just seeing the money from two days of hardwork just flew away like this shaken me. . . Felt so much more relieved after changing it for two shirt (since kelvin's getting another one). . . i wouldn't know how to face myself after that if this hasn't happen. . .
Actually yesterday, i was out with Zixiang and Kelvin with the intention of looking for some prom stuffs at town, after heeding Sylvia's advice. . . And it turned out that what i wanted has no more stock left. .! A white jacket at jean perry. . . No more now. . ! Can't believe this happened and spoiled my whole plan. . . Now that i have to seek an alternative way out. . . I guess i will just end up lending the black one from jialiang instead. . . That maybe good too. . . i can might as well spend the money to tailor a pant and maybe. . get a shirt. . Anyway. . it's too early to come to any conclusion. . . Before that, i will be going to dye my hair on thursday straight after Physics Paper 5!
Sunday, November 20, 2005I have since been waiting for the end of A level from the very first day i started mugging. . Yet paradoxically, i found myself suddenly feeling so lost when this day came. . I found myself losing my primary purpose of life. . . Before that. . it was just study, study and study. . You just have to live with book and everyday's the same. . . It's called lifeless and anyway it's still consider a form of life. . . Compared to now. . . I was really wandering what should i do. . Except the weekends where i will most probably be working at that old place. . Gim tim. . . otherwise i'm at a lost of working things to occupy myself. . Giving my current situation, it's virtually impossible for me to get a full-time or part time job. . thanks to my 7th jan national service enlistment. . And well. . . Besides these. . i still needa consider my financial aspect. . Prom night's coming and have to scrimp and save in order to get myself all ready to attend it. . . That's the once and only jc prom i gonna have and i certainly hope to attend it in the best shape i could have. . . A jacket that cost $129, a hair-do that will cost $60. . . These two things alone will cost me almost two hundred dollars. . I'm thinking whether i have to rob the bank in order to get them done. . Anyway. . to scrimp and save implies that i can't go out that often to cut my expenses. . Haiz. . What kinda of life i gonna have man. . Someone please give me answer. . !
Thursday, November 17, 2005Weeks of intensive studying can finally be put to a stop. . . i now declare that A level is unofficially over. .! It has not been easy these few weeks. . . months. . . days. . . it's as though i was living through books, lectures notes, 10 year series. . . Life sucks like this man. . . I will not want a second time of this kinda experience again. . . Mugging is not for me. . . I don't want to be enslaved by books. .
Nevertheless, these days of mugging has been pretty memorable. . . From compass point, we switch our mugging locations to hougang green. . hougang point. . serangoon garden coffee bean. .macdonald. . . Can't imagine that we had went to so many places just to study. . .
The days of studying with friends. . . Kelvin. . Zixiang. . was extremely wonderful and enjoyable. . . especially the times where talked about lotsa of crazy stuff. . you will never guess it. . . they were really crazy stuffs. . . and highly confidential. . . Wahahaha. .!
It may sound as though we were just out to have fun. . . but NO! Man, you will never believe how serious we are when we were studying. . . 110% effort and concentration. . ! Even kelvin is working hard! All of us are out to achieve a place of our choice in University man. .!
Anyway . . A level this year have prove to be tough. . . I guess i needa pray hard in order to do well. . . Maths paper was a killer. . . Chemistry paper 3 another. . . Physics paper 2 a surprise. .
But in any case. . . i didn't wish to dwell too much into it. . . I just want to finish the paper and let the verdict come out when result is released. . I seriously didn't feel the need of being too traumatised by the scripts since this is not gonna change anything. . . Enjoy now and worry later. .
Haiz. . 2 more papers to go. . . Chemistry paper 1 and physics paper 5. . but well. . i'm off to playing mode already. .
Monday, November 07, 2005Just one day away. .! Tomorrow's gonna be a big days. . . Marks the start for the A level. . . i can't help shaking whenever i thought of it. . . Man. . . it's just so fast. . . i didn't even have time to think whether i have prepared well enough. . . i hope i won't just go in and test my luck out. . .
Weeks of mugging hasn't seem to able to relief this innate fear of mine. . . it's really a big big test in my life and i can't afford to screw it out. . . Can't believe that i am going to go through all these tomorrow and subsequent days. . .
This week alone will be crucial. . . math paper 1 on tuesday, chemistry paper 3 on wednesday, gp full paper on thursday, math paper 2 on friday. . . Tightly scheduled, didn't even leave some space for us to breathe. . . i really really prayed hard. . . Great hopes and great dreams ahead of me. . ! but if i screw this, everything will be dashed. . . i'm SCARED!
Tuesday, November 01, 2005This day. . . next week. . . i will have finish my A level math paper 1. . . It's just so fast. . . Man. . i really gonna work very hard for this entire week. . . So close to A level, and i feeling the tension and anxiety. . . This exam will determine my future. . . cannot afford to have any room to slack anymore. . .!
I felt i'm so crazy to have went shopping for my shoe yesterday with rong. . . but well. . i didn't got a choice anyway. . . i can't just go and sit for my A level with my pairs of slippers right. . .? I've got a converse shoe. . . Not any impressive, but considering my budget and urgency, a pair of shoe like for 100 bucks might have been good enough. . .
And ya. . . i saw a few of my old friends yesterday. . . Bing Ren and Benjamin. . . They were on their way to Clarke Quay to club. . . Cool huh. . ? I'm staring at them with envy. . ! Here i am struggling to study for my A level and there they were having fun outside. . . What a contrast. . ! Whatever the case, it's been great to be able to see them. . . Basically they were still the same. . . Bing Ren still as cool as before. . . and Benjamin. . . as playful as before. . .
So. . . i think i better stop. .
1.罗志祥 - 搞笑
Name: Chen Zhicai (Call me Keith!)
Hangouts: K box, K pool
Sometimes, what you want in life may not be what you will achieve in life. Sometimes, what you want in life will change as you came to realise of your limitations and constraints.
Team: Full-time v3 player
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