Monday, January 30, 2006Second day of Chinese New Year. . . A day to my book in day. . . 24 hours later, i will be in my bunk. . . soundly asleep. . .
Holiday never long enough, breaktime always seem so short-lived. . . This holiday. . have i spent it to the optimum. . ? Not sure why. . somehow feel that something is missing. . .
Chinese new year. . . everyone is busy out there. . . visiting relatives with their families, it's definitely not a good time to ask people out. . . that's why i avoid doing so. . . yet i can't help feeling so free. . . i spent my time at home, with ways of slacking. . . watching television, staring at my computer, taking frequent naps. . . I'm not one who enjoy slacking. . . i would rather spend the time going out with friends, talking craps etc. . . Luckily i wasn't the only one. . . my brother was at home too, slacking the same way as i do. . We both seriously are just too free this new year. . .
Only for yesterday night, i went out with Chee Yong. . . It looks a bit gay to have two guys watching a movie together in a new year like this, but i didn't care. . . Others were too busy with their new year visits and it just left two of us. . . the best of friend to watch Memoir of geisha at junction 8. . . It's a good show, except that the ending. . . slight of a letdown. . . i expect something that's more dramatic, rather than a simple happy ending. . . Anyway, we went talking cock at a playground at ang mo kio later on. . . He shared with me his fantastic working experience as some salesman in a pasar malam and i told him my pathetic army story. . . But there was a conclusion. . . that working life and army life both sucks. . . The best maybe afterall. . school days. . . I miss my school days. . . !
Booking in tomorrow on 2100. . . Haiz. .!
Sunday, January 29, 2006Happy chinese new year. . .! Gong Xi Fa Cai. . !
Chinese new year. . . I recalled when i was younger, i always look forward to it. . . it was when i can get lotsa red packets, eat lotsa good food and enjoy myself thoroughly. . But as i grow older. . . The significant of chinese new year starts to diminish in me. . . Just like this year perhaps. . . Chinese new year is no more than another holiday to me. . . This occurs when u are more financially independent - you don't need extra cash from red packets, you can always eat good food whenever you like, you enjoy yourself more in other occasion. . .
4 days of book out days i've got from the chinese new year holiday. . Somehow feel it's short, and as it goes. . the time when you are outside always pass so quickly. . . 4 days will be over in no time. . . And as soon as i've got back in camp, the real tough period will come. . . Live range is up next and field camp coming near. . .
The life in camp. . i hope it's getting better. . . I got less scolding nowadays by my sergeants and that made my life slightly easier in there. . . Of course i still hate army life. . . but when you are stucked in a situation where you have to live with it, you just have to learn to console yourself and try to love it. . .
I gave out the thought of joining the air force this week. . . I went for the Air Defence Artillery interview on monday, screwed it up and failed the interview. . . They asked me questions, where i don't have an answer myself. . . i simply gave answers that too obvious, were lies. . If i were to give frank answers, then i will just say i wanted to join for the study award, for the yearly allowance, for the prestige and to get myself away from combat units. . . There was a dilemma between giving my true views and opting for the model answers where everyone is using. . I couldn't decide and cocked up the show eventually. .
Anyway, i realised i can't work very well under stress conditions. . . I tend to get very tense up and nervous during such scenario and just screwed everything up. . . This account mainly why i am always the one getting lectures from my commanders. . .
Haiz. . chinese new year. . i have lotsa time to spare, because i won't be going around to visit any relative. . . There are few movies which i wanted to watch, memoir of geisha, fearless and i not stupid 2. . . but it seem nobody will be free. . . That is sad. . . It just seems that ever since entering the national service, the time where i'm free, others won't be free, while when others are free, i'm already back in camp. . .
Sunday, January 22, 2006Time just past so slowly inside. . . but when you are outside, it just seems to have accelerated and without yourself noticing, it's just few hours before you have to book in again. . .
These two weeks. . . wasn't easy. . . I've lost count of how many lectures i've received from my sergeant. . . Screwed up almost everything inside. . . from drills, marchings, IPPT to technical handling, PTP. . . The worst soldier in the platoon, and that's me. . . I see my OCS ambition flying away. . . or maybe i have gave out the thought. . Army life just wasn't for me. . . i felt so useless inside. . .
Still, in hoping for some sort of miracle to happen, i applied for the air force Air Defence Artillery unit. . . A place in the OCS, a result that can get you to university were the criterias. . . Miracle. . . i hope a miracle will happen and get me to OCS. . .
My platoon. . . Hawk company platoon 3, was famous in school 1. . . 18 of us, including me. . . went out to the canteen without the commander's permission during our admin time. . . We were caught red handed. . . and worst, my our platoon sergeant. . . Of course we wouldn't do such stupid thing and land ourselves in deep soup if we have knew that we were not supposed to. . . Still, a confinement, most probably during our chinese new year holiday is pending. . .
The only good thing in tekong. . . you don't have to waste your brain cell thinking of what you should eat for lunch dinner breakfast. . . They planned the food to cook and you just eat, that's all. . . I wouldn't say that the food there is nice, but at least it was edible. . . I ate a lot everytime. . . yet there was no sign of myself getting any fatter. . . others were eating tiny portions and yet all of them are bigger in size, stronger than me. . .
The adjustment week will be over after i book in. . . Life will be more difficult then. . . in just a few hours' time. . In any case, i will have to pull through them. . . and look forward to my chinese new year book out day. . .
Tuesday, January 10, 2006This is recruit CHEN ZHICAI, from Hawk coy, platoon 3 section 1 bed 8. . .
Back from Tekong BMTC school 1. . . Barely 3 days from my enlistment and i've got my first book out. . . how lucky. . . but not exactly. . . i didn't feel like going back at all. . . It's raining all day long, and i just feel like lying down and sleep on my comfortable bed. . . Not choice. . . i wouldn't wanna AWOL. . . *absent without leave. . and end up wiping the metal bar. . *behind bars- detention barrack. . booking back in on 1930 later. . .
Inside camp. . . My platoon. . . Made up of about 70% SRJCians.. . . My section have got 4. . Marshall is one bed away from me. . . My buddy is a guy from PJ. . . William's his name. .
Only been in camp for less than 3 days. . . we have actually done nothing much that is too physical. . . Basically i will just describe them as light training. . . with comparison to the rest of the training that i will be having in future. . . It's our honeymoon period for the first two weeks of course, so there's no punishment. . . no pumping whatsoever. . . However. . . time always seems to be running out these few days. . . Lotsa administration stuffs to do, many lectures to attend, dozens of new things to learn. . . We are simply busy doing everything until light off. . . In fact, the whole platoon was waking up as early as 4 am to finish up their tasks. . .
Stress. . . I can clearly see that my platoon is one that will be highly competitive. . . Stress. . everybody just seems so fit and impressive to me. . . With them. . i see my OCS propective dimming. . . This is more obvious as i witness myself managing only 3 chin-ups, screwing up my marching, and failing to perform certain tasks properly. . . Though i have the excuse of being new and inexperience(especially with no uniform cca background), many others were the same but didn't seen to have such problems. . .
My hair. . . It's gone now. . . I find myself looking horribly with this new hairstyle. . . I guess i will not wanna step outside of Tekong without something to cover it. . . Over there at Tekong, nobody cares. . everyone just looks the same and we are all guys. . . While bathing, there are no doors, you just stripped like nobody's business and get yourself wash up. . . In anytime, you just tuck your shirt in, even if it means making yourself look like an idiot. . . Everybody's just the same, and nobody cares how you look. . .
9 weeks of Basic Military Training. . . My passing out parade will be on 8 March. . . And my ORD will be on next year january. . . These dates just seems so distant away from me. . . I'm just still at the starting point. . .
Nevertheless. . . i'm fine there. . . i'm a man. . . all these are nothing. . . The start of anything is always difficult, but as you go on and adapt to it, everything really slowly come easy. . . i hope so. . .
My next book out will be on 21st. . . This weekend will be burned in camp. . . hope everything's fine. .
Friday, January 06, 2006Finally. . . the time has come. . . 7 Jan is just a few hours away. . . 24 hours from now, i will be inside an island. . . island where my life will be occupied with new things. . . physical trainings. . . drills. . etc. . . All of a sudden, i felt a surge of unknown emotions streaming into my heart. . . It's a mixture of fear and anxiety. . . Fear. . the fear of what i will become inside. . . the fear of the unknown which i will soon engaged in. . . Anxiety. . . Anxious about this new point in my life. . . anxious to step into this new phrase in my life. . .
Haiz. . .
The phrase to change from a boy to a man. . .
My last blog entry before my enlistment. . .
Good bye. . .
Thursday, January 05, 2006I'm so glad to have her company today. . . So happy. . . Perhaps it's been really so long since i felt so much happiness in me. . . We met up at Tampines Mall, catch a good movie and went for dinner before sending her home. . .
Yet i felt so depressed. . . The moment i reached the lift to her house, the moment i see her stepping in into the lift, the moment i knew we have to part. . . I wonder when can i see her again. . .
Somehow or rather, this feeling invaded me again. . . The first time i felt it was at Yunan, i was walking along with her, from one village to another. . . And this time, not only was it the same, but it was more intense, i didn't want that to end. . . Walking back to her house, a mere 10 minutes journey, the wind was blowing gently. . . how i wish we never reach our destination. . .
Sometimes i just asked myself how much do i really like her. . . The answer was never so clear as today. . . Definitely so much more than any other girls i have like before. . .
She's someone who i will always want to care and protect, someone just so unique and beautiful in my eyes. . . But i know, she was never in love with me. . . Still. . i love her all the same. . .
Love. . . can be single traffic. . . you want her to be happy. . . to be well and fine. . . I don't mind. . . i will be happy for her if she can find a guy who she can rely. . . be it anybody. . . Love. . . is not selfish in my eyes. . . i seek no return for anything i do for her. . . perhaps only her wellness and happiness. . . Love. . . means knowing when to let go. . . for it no longer matters if she just treat me as a brother, close friend or whatsoever. . . i clearly understood that you can't force someone in loving you. . .
Finally went back to my workplace today. . . this time, it's for lunch. . . I didn't ate much. . . i was sorta getting so sick of seeing the food during my working days that it had certainly affected my appetite. . . Nevertheless. . . Ah Si and Kelly were kind enough to give us a special discount. . 4 of us went, all ex-staff. . . Me, Clement, Ethan and Chuanming and we only paid for the price of three. . . Twenty-six bucks each, a good price for a meal like this. . . Of course, we didn't went there to just eat. . . A good time to catch up with old friends there. . . as well as the working life there. . . I didn't expect myself to be missing that place so quickly. . . i guess it's not the work, but the people there. . . most of them were really nice. . . hope they will not forget us by the time we go back again, and wish that they will still be fine and happy. . .
Wednesday, January 04, 20066.45am. . Nearly half of the doors in my block were opened, half of the seats were taken by students on the bus, half of the population i saw were wearing uniform. . . as i make my way back home. . . This time, back then, for the past 12 years or so in my life, i've been doing the same as them. . Get up early at this time, preparing and rushing to school. . . I never imagine back then, when i was still a student. . . that one day, i will be among those civilians, watching and catching this scene of students going to school in the morning. . .
Was at Si Jie's house for the whole night. . . Thought we were be doing something else initially, but i just ended up sleeping for most of the time there. . Nevertheless. . . it's been a happy day. . . A day worth remembering. . i have my class together to celebrate the day of my birth. . . Though not everyone were present. . . it's enough. . . I'm thankful to all, thankful to every single guys and girls in my class, thankful for them making this day possible. . . It's wonderful to have them around, making this day more than significant to me. . . Of course not forgetting to put in a few words of gratitude to Zixiang, Liyun, Kelvin and Sophia. . . Thanks for the shirt. . . And Zixiang. . made me feel as though i owe him a lot. . . Been the one working so hard to make everything goes right. . . A word of thank certainly not enough. . . Hmm. . . What about a kiss. .? Or perhaps you can have Yahui. .? Haha. . Anyway. . just lotsa thank you. . .
Tuesday, January 03, 2006Brewing fire in me. . . The time has past twelve, and from now to about 24 hour's time, it is my 19th birthday. . . Yes. . it's my birthday. . and they are my siblings. . yet they chose to provoke me at this moment. . . i'm fed up. . . I had just reached home and there they are. . . quarrelling all the way. . i chose to ignore initially. . . sitting in the living room, watching my television. . . already drenched of all my energy from work. . . feeling so tired, i didn't wish to interfere at all. . . Finally, my sister ignited the fiery in me, trying to 'highlight' her point to me in the argument. . . I was real pissed, i expected this, and i was prepared to show her the ugly side of me. . . Immediately. . i stood up, staring my eyes wide at her. . telling her i would not heed her words. . . Be it a sorta hooliganism or whatsoever, i didn't like it when i see her words as a form of bringing me into their conflict. . especially at this time where i'm feeling so lethargic. . . Of course, my reaction pissed her off too, and we started our fierce confrontation. . My brother came in to calm me down, tried to put in some sense with his words, but no. . i was in no state to hear anything from him. . i walked off and do my own things. . .
It's my birthday. . and fine with me if they didn't celebrate or buy anything, but yet they were letting me listening to them quarelling all the way. . I went home with such a weary body and soul and it's really a torture to hear them doing this. . . Worse, they brought me into the argument. . Perhaps i should tell them, please choose a correct time to pick me up for any argument. . i will get real pissed. . . had enough of all these nonsense. .
Haiz. . It's my last day of work. . . Been waiting for so long and finally. . this day has arrived. . A usual day for others, but it's special for both me and chuan ming. . . Had a busy afternoon but the night shift was quite relaxed with few customers. . . the perfect way to end off a whole long month of work there. . . I wander if i will miss the place. . . and i came to this conclusion that i will. . I guess no matter how much you dislike working at the place, there will bound to be some happy memories that will make you feel like going back there. . .
Anyway. . it's my birthday. . . sing me a birthday song. . ! Zhu Wo Sheng Ri Kuai Le. .!
Sunday, January 01, 2006It's New year eve. . . with barely minutes to the first day of a new year. . . here i am. . at home. . . I recalled it's been really some times since i had spent my new year eve at home. . otherwise, for the past few years. i had spent it with my buddies counting down outside. . . Perhaps it's because when grow older, you start to dislike crowd, dislike doing such stuffs. . .
And ya. . . i tried to get myself quickly away from the orchard streets after leaving my workplace to avoid the crowd. . . Nevertheless. . . New year has arrived. . . Happy new year. . ! hope this 2006 will be one that is enjoyable and smooth for me. . .
Went to get a spectacle for my enlistment today. . . It cost $135. . . way out of my $100 budget. . . but i still got it eventually. . . On my way to work from the optical shop, encountered this stranger in the mrt who suddenly talked to me. . . He was a man about my age. . . He asked me whether i'm working, asked where i work and whether i go to church. . . Though i wasn't really keen to answer his questions, i still answered them in the end. . . Lastly, he said he wanted to invite me to church tomorrow. . . Immediately, i just told him i will be working on that day. . even as i wasn't. . . Well. . . it's kinda weird to me. . . a stranger engaging you suddenly and talk to you out of nowhere. . .
Alright. . this day of work. . . I guess it's kinda too boring for much of the time. . . Business wasn't very good until at night. . . And i just spent most of the time walking around, clearing one or two plates occasionally. . . The crowd came in after 7.30pm. . . that's the time where i finally found myself getting busy. . and time just flies very quickly. . . All of the hardwork today was rewarded to a sumptuous meal after work. . . A long spread of food was there for us. . . all at the company's expenses. . . It's the last day of 2005 and that's how they celebrated. . with food, beer and even whisky. . . Despite this, i didn't stay for too long. . . I felt quite left out there anyway. . . With the chefs together in one clique, the vietnamese in one clique, the superiors in one clique, i was left with myself. . . i simply just filled my stomach and left after that. . .
Tomorrow will not be working. . . monday will be the last day. . . 7 more days to enlistment. .!
1.罗志祥 - 搞笑
Name: Chen Zhicai (Call me Keith!)
Hangouts: K box, K pool
Sometimes, what you want in life may not be what you will achieve in life. Sometimes, what you want in life will change as you came to realise of your limitations and constraints.
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