Sunday, June 25, 2006My prayers were not answered. . . I can only stare in disappointment as i miss one shot after another. . . $200. . . 1 day off. . . all gone. . .
I've always been a bobo shooter. . . and i should even dismiss myself of any chances to becoming a marksman. . . yet suddenly, i see a glimpse of hope that give me to dare to dream of try for the $200 and day off. . .
Thursday was a good day. . . a day i live in paradise. . . It was trial test and i would never imagine that i can fire that well. . a total of 29/40. . . Though it was not a marksman score. . it was a surprise. . . just 3 shots away from marksman and if compared, the result would be ranked among the highest in the company. . . My morale was flying high. . .
Friday was the actual shooting test. . . the day i was demoted to hell. . . Brimming with confident, i pray and was looking forward to get something out of it. . .
I fired. . . and shots after shots i missed. . . clearly lady luck wasn't with me this time. . the result's out. . . 10/24. . . i couldn't even pass. . . devastated. . . $200 is gone. . .
Reverted back to my old self. . . mr bobo. . . it took me two re-shoot before i could even make it to the passing mark. . . i pondered if i was too over-confident at the first place. . . Zeroing. . i blame it on the zeroing. . . yet it can't hide the embarrassing fact that i am mr bobo. . .
Been a pretty hectic week so far. . . but time pass quite far this way. . .
Met our new pc. . . or no. . . pcs. . . There's two. . . 2Lt Hong and 2Lt Benson. . . 2Lt Hong was supposed to be our pc initially. . . he was the sword of merit and i can tell you he's really nice. . . Sword of merit. . . it triggered fear in everyone when we first heard of it. . . must be some garang, super crazy officer that we are gonna have. . . but no. . . And not only that he wasn't so. . . He was just so kind to us that i must say he's probably one of the nicest person i ever came across in SAF. . . No one. . . No one officer will ever offer to help you buy things when you had to sacrified your nights out in order to wash vehicle. . . No one, no one officer will buy you food when you have to do guard duty at night. . . No one, no one officer will offer to do a rundown the ATP range with you in order to motivate you to shoot better. . . He just treated us like friends and brothers. . .
Everyone liked him so much and how i wish he could have stay and become our pc. . . but no he is not. . . He will be posted to other company because the CO said that Sword of merit shouldn't waste his ability in a support company, and sending him to combat company will make use of him to his fullest potential. . What a crappy CO i have. . .
He will leave us eventually and then came a headache. . . His replacement, 2Lt benson. . . I could tell he is garang. . . and life will not be easy under him. . . The way he played soccer with us. . . tireless, almost as though he's playing it with his life. . . if this reflect how he is going to manage us. . . i guess it's time to get mentally prepared for miseries. . .
Sunday, June 18, 2006I look desperate. . . don't i. . ? Yes. . . Maybe i 'm really desperate. . . desperate to make the best use of my ns time. . . desperate to pick up new things. . . desperate to wipe away the rusts in my brain. . .
Learning guitar. . . taking up motorbike course. . . i'm trying. . . and giving my best in everything i do. . . even for normal physical training in camp. . .
But yet i realised. . . i'm a slow learner. . . i pick up things so much slower than others. . . and things just sometimes get really difficult. . .
Friday's IMT was a repetition of another awful bmt experience. . . While firing a SAR21 was a completely new thing to me. . . . i witnessed so many first-timers passed their shooting after their first round of firing and while i couldn't even pass my shooting after my third round. . . Bobo shooter. . . What a shame. . . It's awkward and embarrassing. . . I could just say shooting is not my forte. . . yet you can't conceal the fact that this is not an excuse. . .
Been training hard for the week. . . I suddenly transformed into a garang soldier. . . putting in so much effort during trainings. . . Great performances during trainings. . . and naturally others have high expectation of you. . . Saturday's SOC. . . Many expected me to pass. . . so much so that i was so optimistic about passing. . .
Doing SOC was hell. . . and i would have been so thankful to god if i had managed to got through. . . I never wanna go through SOC for a second time. . .
It was a disappointment. . . i reached the end point. . . expended every last bit of my energy and realised the awful truth. . . 10 08. . i failed. . .
Came back for my second motorbike lesson. . . and though everything appears to be going very well. . . clearly it's not. . .
At the end of the lesson, i received a stern advice from my instructor. . . He said. . "if you continue to be so nervous during your lesson and not knowing when to change your gear and use you brake, your progress will be very slow. . " Simple words, but yet they were harsh to me. . . While i was kinda delighted with my progress, managing to move onto the larger circuit only during my second lesson, the instructor words stucked me really hard. . . It's hard to describe the kinda impact that it has on me, but i could say he was right. . .
Moving on to the large circuit, riding on it for the first time, i was totally at a lost of what to do. . . This was the time i got so nervous and tense up that my mind just went hazewire. . . screwing up. . i just scrambled my way throughout the whole rundown. . .
It was a typical characteristictic of me. . . Like a virus in me that courses me to panick and then hinder the progress in whatever i do. . .
Monday's another SOC test again. . another round of hell. . . i pray that i can make it this time and get it done with once and for all. . . Meanwhile. . . hope that my determination will keep me going while learning my new trades. . .
It takes tremendous patience and determination. . . but believing is always the key to success. . .
Saturday, June 17, 2006Daniel was right. . . "If a gal like him, do he still needa be waiting for 2 years. . . ? " She felt obliged to go out with him because she does not want to let him down for all that he has done. . . but. . that's not love. . .
It's not my story. . but i could clearly see a similar picture in myself. . . If she ever likes me, will i be waiting for so long. . ? I guess never. . . We are friend. . good friend. . . and i don't see how is this gonna change. . .
I know too well of the reason why. . . Whenever we went out, i could feel that she wasn't too much enjoying being with me. . . She was often the one doing most of the conversating and i. . . i was often too quiet. . . I just never seem to be able to perform the magic to make her happy when she was with me. . .
It's tiring. . . It's all my fault. . .
Perhaps letting go is good for both of us. . . But i found it hard. . . Hard to let go of someone i truly love so much. . . Yet i can't find any reason to let things carry on in this way. . . It's too tiring for her and myself. .
Let her go. . Let my devotion not be a kinda tie-down for her. . . let her be free to search for her own happiness. . . someone who can bring her joys and laughters, someone she will enjoy being with. . . let her be not worry about repaying me what i have done for her. . .
I chose to leave her world from now on. . . and if fate can bring us back together one day. . . i hope it will grant us a chance to be together. . . Good bye. . .
Sunday, June 04, 2006Arts and social sciences. . I've finally made up my mind to accept it. . . As much as i hope that it will not be my ultimate destination, i won't have a choice if reality persist in this way. . .
It's heaven's will. . . Throughout my years, i've been dealt with such similar blows over and over again. . . I have never got the choice of school i wanted. . . Remember the time after my psle, i tried to enter Xinmin Secondary, but ended in Bowen eventually. . . After O level, i opted to say in Nanyang JC, but history repeated itself. . . i ended in SRjc. . . And now. . Business is what i wanted. . . they gave me Arts and social sciences. . .
yet they were all blessing in disguise. . . i never regretted studying in both school, they had given me joyous memories, nurture me to someone i'm now and brought me plenty of good friends. . . i can't imagine how much different i will be if any of this have not taken place. . . so maybe. . . heaven has been kind. . .
I've proceeded with my future plan and signed up for the motorbike course. . . Aftering seeing so many other opting for class 3 car license at this time. . . i chose not to follow suit. . . i don't see such an urgency to get a class 3 license when i obviously know that i wouldn't be able to afford a car in the near future. . . instead, a class 2B motorbike license will be more realistic at this time. . . i will be able to afford a motorbike and it will save me plenty of travelling time to camp and then in future. . to university. . . They said it's dangerous. . . i know. . . but i guess as long as i do not speed and observe safety everything can be under control. . . if it's not. . then maybe it's destiny. . if you are destined to meet with a mishap, then it will make no different whether you are riding a motorbike or driving a car. . .
Just went for my first lesson and i can tell you the feeling of riding a motorcycle is really good. . . Though i got really tense up at my first taste of riding on the vehicle, i totally enjoyed it. . . It's kinda not easy to pick up the skills of riding for a beginner like me. . . and maybe, it will take quite a long time for me to obtain the license since i can only take lessons in the weekend. . .
It's another long long weekend for me. . . Don't stare at me with jealousy. . . Don't think that we are slack. . . We earned it, we deserved it. . . The whole of the week was allocated to complete the rest of the grandstands. . . All of us worked hard, and my team even managed to put up two grandstands in just one day. . . That spelled our efficiency and marked our capabilities. . . It's certainly not something easy. . . We worked extremely hard, we sweat like noone's business and risked ourselves gettin sun burn by working hours under the hot sun. . . Everyone played their part just to get the job done as quickly as possible. . . The off days that were given and the leaves that they allowed us to clear was just only a small reward for our achievements. .
Well no doubt this week was much relaxing than the other. . . All of the intended PT sessions were cancelled and we got to play soccer every night, but that will not last. . . After next week, we can be expecting vigorous trainings and outfield exercises. . . That was what we were told. . . So. . . just let us let our hair down while we can. . .
1.罗志祥 - 搞笑
Name: Chen Zhicai (Call me Keith!)
Hangouts: K box, K pool
Sometimes, what you want in life may not be what you will achieve in life. Sometimes, what you want in life will change as you came to realise of your limitations and constraints.
Team: Full-time v3 player
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