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Monday, April 30, 2007 Screwed my apitude test and now they told me that the interview is no more. . . Guess my chances of getting the course is as good as over. . .The apitude test yesterday at nus. . . basically we were asked to make a model that reflect on the idea of heaviness and light. . . and i made one. . .based on my own descriptions and understanding of the question. . . I roughly describe what i had made. . . It consist of a base, a prism-liked structure, made of folding 1 A4 cardboard into three equal parts. . . Then the top, a piece of A4 sheet that was attached to the based and stand up like a kite. . . Any unused materials given were dump into the triangular prism to reinforce its weigh. . . So here how it goes. . . The base form the heaviness and the top form the lightness. . . To support the idea, the base was coloured with dark colours and the top was coloured with light colours. . . My design was just that simple. . and lousy. . . as i came to see others' model were far more a class above mine. . . well. . can't be bothered too. . . Friday, April 27, 2007 I failed my traffic police practical test. . . 30 points. . . screwed. . .Devastated. . . Really want it badly. . . I thought i've done enough. . . There was no immediate failure, everything was like going smoothly, i knew there was a chance. . . I thought i could break the spell that had made my learning experience at ssdc so long and tedious. . . Terrible feeling. . . I had tried my best. . . yet still ended up like this. . I prayed and prayed before, after and during the test. . . It seemed to help and it seemed that it didn't. . too. . . What should i say, except to curse and swear at my own incapability. . . All the plans. . . plans on what i'm going to do after i managed to pass the test this time round. . . All that of riding my way to nus for my apitude test and interview this coming week. . . Crushed. . . How do i not feel the pain. . . No matter how hard i tried to get myself mentally prepared for failure, it was all nothing but a brave front i put upon myself. . . Just how long more can i be the one riding, not the one watching in envy of the person on the bike. . . Next test. . . 7 June. . . More than 1 month to go. . . wasting more time. . . wasting more money. . . $100 gone like this, because i had failed to pass. . . Hope the next time, i will be telling a different story. . . Sunday, April 22, 2007 Ponder whether it's good or bad. . . That i've received a letter that tells me to go for an apitude test and interview on nus architecture. . .It really came as a surprise. . . I didn't expect myself to be able to get it. . . putting it in my third choice just to try my luck earlier on. . . Lucky. . not entirely. . . i wasn't mentally prepared for it. . . i hasn't been thinking of taking architecture for very long, i'm not sure if i really want it. . . 5 years direct to master. . . that's lucrative. . . but when you come out from it, you will be stucked at the profession. . . that's what i know. . . what if. . what if i lose my interest halfway through my studies. . ? i wouldn't want to make this kinda fatal mistake. . . But well, i know better that i'm not in the position to choose with my kinda grades. . . so, i'm just gonna go out there and try my best in the test and interview, hopefully it won't be too difficult. . . Meanwhile. . . pray. . pray hard that i still have a chance for business. . . Tomorrow will be an off day. . . clearing one of the day off that the CO has given us for the 'satisfactory' performance in the battalion profiency test. . . I've schedule my bike revision, a circuit and road on that day. . . Thursday will be my tp. . I'm not confident. . . So many i know only passed after their second attempt, this is only my first. . . and i have proved to be a lousier than normal rider so far. . . only a miracle will bring me to the pass. . . Again, i pray. . . i pray for the miracle to come. . . Common in this world that you see people who don't have enough to eat, to feed their families and resorted to asking people for money. . . I won't hesitate to help if someone i know happen to fall into this kinda situation. . . But, if you are those kind who got into debt because you gambled too much then i would say i won't give you my sympathy. . . Recently one my platoon mate landed himself in debt after losing money from soccer gambling. . . He ended up owing the loan shark $1400. . . Knowing that he will not be able to clear the debt himself, our ps and pc resorted to seeking the platoon's for help to lend him money so that he can overcome the crisis. . . $200, each of us were asked to lend the sum to him if we can afford. . . It left me in a dilemma. . . The first thing i felt when i knew of the incident was the urge to give him a dressing down. . . What stupid thing can he do than to gamble to such an extent that will land him in this kinda debt. . . and then, go to the loanshark for loan to clear the debt. . He lended only $1000 and ended up having to pay $1400. . . Just how stupid can he get. . . We knew most of the gunners are frequent soccer gamblers. . . but he was the more intensive among all. . . Sometimes we can see his wallet loaded with cash from the winnings. . . and this time, he became the loser. . . I hesitated in lending the money. . . i can't convince myself to give my sympathy to a person who had made such a stupid mistake. . . I used to be a soccer gambler and i knew it myself. . . you created the problem you solve it yourself. . . if you wanna gamble then you make sure that you can afford to lose. . . Finally when i made up my mind to lend $100 instead out of a gesture of goodwill. . . i came upon the new the joey had decided to lend him the entire sum. . . Having lended him some money previously already, i wandered whether he is just too kind, too loaded or what. . . Probably he is just really that kind. . . that guy must have strike gold to know him as a platoon mate, hope he will be grateful and return him the money as soon as possible. . Reaching the end of this week. . . The beginning was a stroll. . Did a few bos, a little servicings and that was it, we slept in bunk, relax, read for much of the time. . . Then the week went towards the end, the shits started to come. . . Sweating and cleaning up the road, which looked like though, a part of tvma after we came back from the battalion profiency test the week before. . . It was the number. . . i can't remember the number of times, but surely it was a lot. . . that we were cleaning up the road again. . . CSM said this is part of armour, "you go outfield with the vehicles, you come back with the shits and you gotta get it clean yourself, this is armour, get used to it.". . . True it was, but for countless times that we had suggested building cleaning facilities outside the gate where we come back after outfield so that we can minimise dirtying the road back, they were never taken. . . Probably to save money. . they are willing to make us to more. . . that's the army. . . What was most frustrating wasn't cleaning itself, but having to clean just before book out. . . Having your book out delay for saigang is just infuriating. . . again, it was not the first time. . . well, nevertheless, we got no complains. . this is armour, and we are probably looking forward to doing it a few more times again and get out of the place. . Saturday, April 21, 2007 Well, in the end that didn't occur of course. . . He was substituted out as the game got heated up with tough tackles targeted especially on me. . . I'm used to that. . . i took it easy with every challenge and did what i'm supposed to do. . . Their fire can only add on to our advantage as i soon won a penalty from the most agitated guy in the court. . . - the goalkeeper who seemed to be on the verge of whacking me upside down during the confrontation. . . He collected a loose ball outside the circle while i was rushing towards it. . . As my pc converted the scoring opportunity, the game soon turned into a scoring spree as we won the it 4-1 eventually. . .Though the performance put up still wasn't up to standard, i was rather proud of myself, as i took in tackle for tackle and stood firm at the mist of all these intimidations. . . A hard fought victory that was, but the efforts were all let down by the weather. . . Cat 1 arrived after the match and they were forced to settle the remaining fixtures by playing table soccer. . . Ridiculous. . . and we lost it to jaguar. . . Lion clinched the trophy in the end. . . We promised to win it back the next time. . . Dramatic. . . Injured my left leg once again yesterday. . . This time it was my foot. . . Battalion's game day yesterday and i represented my company in street soccer. . . I really had some bad performances throughout. . . I blamed my shoe for that, it was a size too big for my legs and i was having a difficult time kicking the ball around. . . My shots went hazewire, my passes lack accuracy, my touches were poor. . . Another thing was that i had eaten the extremely spicy chicken chop from the track mess moments before the matches started, and that had turned my stomach into a hot pot, giving me a terrible time on the court. . . Still, i was utterly disappointed with my level of showing. . . While i knew my touches on the ball were not gonna improve, i concentrated on doing my fortes. . Making runs and throwing in hard tackles. . . We had not win any of the matches, drawing consecutively two matches from the start with HQ and lion. . . The third became the a deciding factor whether we stayed in the race for the champion trophy. . . With the stake high, and the determination to redeem myself for the poor showings, i put in extra effort to bring something out of the game. . . And one of the tackles nearly ended in blows from the opponent. . . I made what i thought was fair tackle, which was obviously on the ball, but somehow the guy fell onto the ground. . . As the referee blew for the foul, i reacted strongly to protest the decision. . . and the next thing i knew was the confrontation of the opposition players on me. . . I wasn't totally intimidated and stood firm with my stand that i tackled on the ball. . . Then, the fellow who fell stood up and rushed forward to give me a hard push on the chest. . Years of experience in the game tells me what could happen next. . . yet i didn't hide nor run, i just await the blow that will come. . . Only stupid people will retaliate and go into blows. . . Once the kick or punch lands on me, i will be happily seeing the guy ended up behinds bar. . . With the crowd, officers, specialists, as my witness, i got no worry about that. . . Sunday, April 15, 2007 I haven't had a good sleep since the outfield. . . I'm lacking a lot of sleep and i feel so tired. . . Dark circles are coming out around my eyes. . . I wish to have a good long sleep but i just got too many things i want to do than sleeping. . . Even these few days at home i couldn't find the time for the sleep i wanted. . .Woke up early on saturday morning because i wanted to play soccer. . . then after soccer i have to go for tuition. . . and when i came back from tuition i went to catch the 7pm show on channel 8 and then the jacky wu's show on channel u later while marking some tuition assignment at the same time. . . It's until 11pm then can i finally sleep. . . Woke up early this morning again to go for tuition. . . It ended at 3 plus pm and by the time i reached home i've to prepare my book in stuffs till now. . 5.30pm that i'm blogging this and going for dota later. . . Though i'm feeling sleepy, i wanna play some game before i go back to camp. . . Army is making me miss a lot of things. . Tomorrow was supposed to be combat shoot for the while company. . . somehow or rather they didn't include spike in the shoot and so, everyone's clearing a day off. . . but not me, i've got a day guard tomorrow to do. . . gonna book in later and endure another week again. . . hopefully this week there's nothing much to do and i can seize the opportunity to get some sleep back. . . Friday, April 13, 2007 That's the pissed off part. . . The driving was mentally turned-off. . . Other than that, life was manageable, except for common stuffs like mosquitoes, having to eat lousy food, lack of sleep etc etc. . . But the gunners didn't have our kinda 'good life'. . .After hearing stories about what they did in the first mission, i watched with sympathy and a sense of guiltiness as they dismount my vehicle and engage on the second mission. . . I understand the feeling of having to travel miles with that two wretched missiles on your back. . . It's agonising, it's physically torturing. . . How can i be sleeping inside the vehicle while my platoon mates are suffering these pain of walking with such monster load. . . I'm really thinking of that. . . They had a sad sad life. . . For two of the missions they were covering miles on foot, took the speed boat, took the helicopter, and in the end, they never even really engaged on the enemy. . . It's screwed up and it's ridiculous. . . Imagine the situation when they even have to fight with the metador team to take down a target. . . Our presence were like reductant for this whole exercise, they had obviously not plan a way to utilise us. . . Pity the gunners, they had really suffered. . . Though most of them are slack in bunk, back in outfield, in mission they still managed to endure the pain and came back as one piece, great job. . . That was during convoy. . . but the most dangerous was during the last mission, when we had to go solo. . . With the limited supply of light that lits the way, i could see nothing most of the time. . . I'm almost like driving through it based on my instinct. . . and i ended up eating the grass at the side for countless occasions. . . Melvin, my VC, was obviously petrified with the way i'm driving. . . reminding me to go slow time and again. . . I did really go slow, i don't dare to go fast either. . . The tiredness was accumulating in me as time passed and my visibility just got worse as the night go by. . . yet i have to muster all the energy to concentrate on the route in front, i'm determined to ORD with a clean record on 6 november. . . But my ps behind, complaining and nagging that i'm going too slow. . . Making sarcastic remarks to my vc like, "now you know our bronco can bash better than the bionix". . . If that wasn't enough to piss me off, he suddenly shouted at me. . . "like that also cannot see meh!" Damn it, i was really on the verge on swearing for him to shut up. . . I hate people shouting at me in this way. . . That's what i dislike about my ps, generally he is a nice guy, a good superior, but when he is under some stress, he will start getting work up and scream at people. . . i'm not the only victim, wei lun and daniel were too, suffered the same fate during the outfield. . . I can't work with people like this, maybe he should just change someone to be his driver. . . It's simply not within my limit to drive fast when i can't see the route in front clearly, but he claimed its experience, he said we need more night driving practise. . . He was proudly 'announcing' to benjamin earlier on how fantastic his previous driver was, dare to drive fast, knows the route well etc etc. . . I'm seriously not keen to be some fabulous driver, i just want to ord smoothly and soundly. . . That was during convoy. . . but the most dangerous was during the last mission, when we had to go solo. . . With the limited supply of light that lits the way, i could see nothing most of the time. . . I'm almost like driving through it based on my instinct. . . and i ended up eating the grass at the side for countless occasions. . . Melvin, my VC, was obviously petrified with the way i'm driving. . . reminding me to go slow time and again. . . I did really go slow, i don't dare to go fast either. . . The tiredness was accumulating in me as time passed and my visibility just got worse as the night go by. . . yet i have to muster all the energy to concentrate on the route in front, i'm determined to ORD with a clean record on 6 november. . . But my ps behind, complaining and nagging that i'm going too slow. . . Making sarcastic remarks to my vc like, "now you know our bronco can bash better than the bionix". . . If that wasn't enough to piss me off, he suddenly shouted at me. . . "like that also cannot see meh!" Damn it, i was really on the verge on swearing for him to shut up. . . I hate people shouting at me in this way. . . That's what i dislike about my ps, generally he is a nice guy, a good superior, but when he is under some stress, he will start getting work up and scream at people. . . i'm not the only victim, wei lun and daniel were too, suffered the same fate during the outfield. . . I can't work with people like this, maybe he should just change someone to be his driver. . . It's simply not within my limit to drive fast when i can't see the route in front clearly, but he claimed its experience, he said we need more night driving practise. . . He was proudly 'announcing' to benjamin earlier on how fantastic his previous driver was, dare to drive fast, knows the route well etc etc. . . I'm seriously not keen to be some fabulous driver, i just want to ord smoothly and soundly. . . Been to one of the worst place on earth and back. . .48hours ago still in some place in TVMA, feeding the mosquitoes with fresh blood, driving my bronco in pitch darkness and praying for a quick stop to rest and feed myself with cooked instant noodles. . . 4days 3nights outfield, certainly the longest outfield i've been since BMT and i'm through. . . It wasn't physically tough. . . as the driver, i just drove through the days and nights, stayed inside the vehicle for most of the time and wait for the command to move. . . Yet definitely was it mentally demanding. . . The first day i nearly fell asleep while driving at night. . . It's so tiring that i can just fall asleep the moment i shut my eyes. . . It took tremendous effort to make yourself awake and gather in all the concentration needed to drive through the way, safely. . . At night, it's total darkness. . . fine if you are allow to drive with the headlights on, but since it was an exercise, we were to drive with BO lights, which is so dim that it only give a maximum of 5 metres visibility in front. . . It was just extremely risky to drive. . . Most of the time we were doing convoy movement, so i would follow the vehicle in front, judging the distance it was from me by looking at the lightstick that was stick onto its rear. . . but sometimes, you will just miscalculate it and suddenly, the vehicle appeared when you thought it was still far away, then you will kiss its ass unless you step the brake on time. . Fortunately i always managed to do the latter. . . Sunday, April 08, 2007 The first thing i did after waking up just now was to on the computer and use it. . . I can only use now, or choose to wait until the end of next week to use it again. . .I will be going out early today. . . Tuition from 2-5pm, and heading straight back to camp after that. . . It's kinda rush, but we have got to book in earlier than usual to prepare for the battalion profiency test tomorrow. . . 4days3nights of outfield. . . I didn't feel anything good about it. . . seriously hate outfield, especially long ones like this, totally disgusted. . . This week has been all the preparations for it. . . The whole scene appeared as though we are going to war, and our csm is seemingly stressed over it. . . All of us too, could feel the heat as the battalion is placing great importance in this exercise. . . Heat. . . i supposed it's gonna be some really hot days this coming week and i just wanna get it over and done with. . . Good thing that it was a long weekend. . . yet it never seem enough replenish all my energy. . . maybe break time is never long enough. . . but throughout this few days i haven't really got a chance to sleep for as long as before. . . i wander whether all the sleep that i'm having is sufficient to keep me going for the 4days 3nights outfield. . . Haiz. . it's will be tough tough days to come. . . sianz. . Friday, April 06, 2007 A lot of people who i know told me that i can play soccer well. . . and i thought so too. . . i always look upon myself as someone who is able to make important contributions to the team. . .But right now, i've began to believe that maybe that are all a thing of the past. . . I'm no longer as good before. . . A poor performance today only further justified this notion. . . It was an important match, one that tat ming was so determined to get something out from it that you can see from the way he played on the pitch. . . And instead of helping tat ming in his cause, i'm screwing up one time after another. . . while centre midfields vicky and allister are making tireless runs and tackles one after the other. . . i'm giving the opponent chances to ruin the efforts made in countless number of occasions. . . First, a clumsy tackle that resulted in a penalty being conceded after losing possession outside the penalty box. . Then, a few other grave mistackles and failed interceptions that nearly turned fatal. . . It was only luck on my side that these mistakes didn't turn into goals for the other side. . . but i know how well i played. . . They drew the game 1-1, not because of me. . . They were the result yielded from the likes of allister, shawn, vicky and tat ming. . . I felt they had done remarkably and they deserved the all the praises. . . Not like the previous few times, i shalln't give myself any excuses this time round. . . I'm just getting worse in the way i play the game. . . gone are the days where people surround and praise your remarkable performances. . . Nevertheless. . . I really have to thank tat ming for all the faith he show in me. . . He really believe that i'm like one of the key player in the team despite all the poor showings. . . and he always played me in the first team even if i couldn't play well. . . A lot of people who i know told me that i can play soccer well. . . and i thought so too. . . i always look upon myself as someone who is able to make important contributions to the team. . . But right now, i've began to believe that maybe that are all a thing of the past. . . I'm no longer as good before. . . A poor performance today only further justified this notion. . . It was an important match, one that tat ming was so determined to get something out from it that you can see from the way he played on the pitch. . . And instead of helping tat ming in his cause, i'm screwing up one time after another. . . while centre midfields vicky and allister are making tireless runs and tackles one after the other. . . i'm giving the opponent chances to ruin the efforts made in countless number of occasions. . . First, a clumsy tackle that resulted in a penalty being conceded after losing possession outside the penalty box. . Then, a few other grave mistackles and failed interceptions that nearly turned fatal. . . It was only luck on my side that these mistakes didn't turn into goals for the other side. . . but i know how well i played. . . They drew the game 1-1, not because of me. . . They were the result yielded from the likes of allister, shawn, vicky and tat ming. . . I felt they had done remarkably and they deserved the all the praises. . . Not like the previous few times, i shalln't give myself any excuses this time round. . . I'm just getting worse in the way i play the game. . . gone are the days where people surround and praise your remarkable performances. . . Nevertheless. . . I really have to thank tat ming for all the faith he show in me. . . He really believe that i'm like one of the key player in the team despite all the poor showings. . . and he always played me in the first team even if i couldn't play well. . . Sunday, April 01, 2007 Anticipating my 7 more months to ord on friday. . .It's one more week to the 4 days 3 nights battalion profiency test, so this week gonna be lotsa preparations going on. . . I can forsee a major task in servicing the vehicles to get them in shape for the exercise ahead. . . It will be a very hectic week to come. . . The only good thing, is maybe. . . the good friday. . ! we get to book out on thursday noon. . . !! There's some cohesion for the specialists, so we will have an extra half day off. . . yea!!!! Had a packed weekend i supposed. . . Saturday morning went to play soccer with the monfort guys. . . Then afternoon went to do volunteer work with CDC. . . Joined this CDC programme which organise enrichment activities for the kids from those less well-off families living around the area of toa payoh and braddell. . . and yesterday, they kicked started their programme with an inspiration talk for the parent and some fun activities as an introduction to this 'nurture' programme as they called it. . . Basically i as there helping out with some of the chores and helping to translate some of the informations that was brought forward in the inspiration talk which was done in english. . . I'm just like, one of the clareffair, playing supportive role whenever needed. . . Yvonne, one of the regular there, was the one who ran the show most of the time. . . She did impress me by doing a great job translating, not forgetting that she was totally a workaholic. . . Anyway, i will be sticking there quite often when the programme officially start in may, hopefully be able to pick up and gain something from there. . . Alright. . . gonna go for dota training before i book in. . . haiz. . . sian oh sianz. . army days. |
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Profile Name: Chen Zhicai (Call me Keith!) Addictions Hangouts: K box, K pool Objectives Sometimes, what you want in life may not be what you will achieve in life. Sometimes, what you want in life will change as you came to realise of your limitations and constraints. Careers Team: Full-time v3 player archives September 2005 Tag Me!
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