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Thursday, November 29, 2007 If you are going in circles, you know that some day some time you will return to the same point again. .It's a relief off the pain on my neck, as finally im on a day that i don't needa work. true it was, but i was still sorta on a mood swing in the morning. . as i woke up early in the morning, intending to do the proposal for the icebreaker games on the volunteer camp where my dad actually came nagging at me. . my bike was having some problems and he was trying to get me to call the guy and get it fixed asap. . So well, i don't like it when he nag at me. . i became rather defiant. . Sometimes i feel that he's like overly protective towards me. . as in im like gonna be 21, and i don't like the feeling of being still having my dad to be always around to guide me over every single things. . already im already having such rock bottom self esteem, the way he is like trying to see me through everything is gonna made me feel more useless. . nevertheless, i do understand his good intentions. . i know he dotes on me. . but sometimes knowing and your actions at that point of time can never be synchronised. . So anyway. . The night later was special. . it was perhaps one of the few happy moments i had recently. . the event itself shall be kept in my heart. . till the day i decides to unveil. . whatever it is. . it's back to work again. . Tuesday, November 27, 2007 i've walked so far. . . in the end, i still miss the train.im so tired. . reallly really tired. . 12 hours yesterday and a full day of 8.5 hours today. . it's scratching me to the limit. . i can just say im very sian. . for things haven't been really going on smoothly for me. . i made quite a lot of screwed up, got scolded by countless number of customers and i even feel that some of the tls were like picking on me. . always choosing me to do the human ivr. . i hate it, so most of the time i won't do. . but well, i really tried my best but sometimes i still feel i'm like not adsorbing at all for all the things that my tl and colleagues had taught me. . i made screwed up here and there. . sometimes because, i guess there's something wrong with my memory or what. . i felt like im exchanging my life span for the pay im recieving. . i had endured so many unreasonable customers, calling in and giving me a telling off, speaking in a pissed off tone. . these were like tearing me apart. . not sure whether it's just me or what, again i find myself so handicap with this job, totally stupid and useless. . haiz. . may things just get better. . Sunday, November 25, 2007 Im so tired. . today wasn't totally a great day actually. . i just forgotten i got scolded by how many customers. .at a point a nearly burst out. . i hate doing human ivr. . it's only at doing this that i got the most scoldings. . i was like a defenceless creature, left fendless against the heartless lashings from these people. . they were right. . who the hell will want to wait for 2-3 days to get their problem solved. . ? they were right. . what kinda service is like. . making customer wait 2-3 days to solve their problem. . people want to surf the net, watch the programmes, who the hell is willing to wait while paying for the services. . But i, as the person made to do this job, can only tell them what i am told. . to tell them leave down their messages and wait for someone to get them back in 2-3 days. . im not gonna do that again, if the team leader tells me to do that again i will just wait for them to walk away then do the normal call enquiry. . sometimes i actually get tired that i can't possibly remember everything. . i just tend to neglect some things im supposed to do. . like one case just now. . i guess i will be going back tomorrow to get complain or scolded by customer. . i actually promised to call her just now to do her upgrade, but a slip off my mind. . i guess i will have to resort the issue with her some how. . bless me. . that woman i know has a sharp tongue. . another week gonna start. . this job actually made time passed pretty fast. . i will most probably be having another tiring weekend. . i have two days off, on wednesday and thursday, but most likely i will be doing ot for thursday. . i hope i chiong now at the end of the month the payslip comes will be a lucrative one. . i really got a lot of things to buy. . bag, wallet, cologne, clothes. . i went to espirit to see yesterday and i had this temptation to change the entire of my wardrobe. . how i wish im such rich baggart out there, then i don't have to slog so hard. . then i will be driving a car, not riding a bike. . riding a bike is like walking on thin line to me now. . a sudden loss of concentration could send me to the bottom. . the road is never safe on a bike. . well. . kinda regret getting a bike. . it's starting to give me headaches. . public transport is the safest. . Friday, November 23, 2007 The biggest thing that happened today.i was riding my bike to work as per usual. . it's only the second day im doing so though. . . it was only like 500m away from destination. . i was heading towards a right turn into ayer rajah ave. . a sudden lapse of concentration, a sudden loss of control, i found myself crashing towards green colour central barrier that divides the road. . . i was stunned for 1 sec, i wake up the next, tried to turn the handle back. . . i could have been seriously injured, may even been dead. . somehow, i managed to escape unscathed, just superficial injury and slight damage to my vehicle. . i know that i am lucky this time round. . is that another. . ? im not sure about that, but it's really dangerous riding. . particularly at this point of time where im like so inexperience with the road. . the way im doing is like learning it through the hard way. . i needa pray for more luck. . alright. . this week i have been working through these entire five days. . 1130-2100. . really exhausting. . sitting down looking at the computer listening and answering or sorta calls making all kinda screw up. . i realised, i actually learned everything the hard way. . i just found out from aloysius that there was actually a complain that went to my team leader. . i wandered how many there are actually. . besides, i did made a mess of many things, failing to follow up replies etc. . that's why im saying im such a useless fellow. . well, anyway, this job time seemed to pass rather fast. . at least it wasn't that kind boring like admin. . even though i risk getting complains from customers, scoldings or whatsoever. . just like today the first call i received actually started with 'what kinda fucking service is this'. . the best start i got for the day. . it's not all bad people like this. . i have had some nice ones who are extremely polite, talk lotsa cock and joke with you. . it's like a fair reflection of what kinda people we have in this screwed up world. . so probably though it's tiring, im quite satisfied with it so far. . maybe duty itself i haven't really been up to it, but i guess im slowly getting a hang of it. . it's really alot of things to learn. . many things weren't taught during our training, i just have to be super thick skin and kept walking to my team leader and team mates. . i felt bad, but if i don't ask i will never be able to do it correctly. . luckily these people has been nice and patient with me. . especially my team leader. . though he everytime put in a black face, he has been really patient with me. . even upon receiving that complain he showed no sign of intention of giving me a whacking. . also to mention this fellow who sat opposite to me call wen hui, always approaching him to solve my problems. . he taught me quite a lot of things. . alright. . tomorrow finally got to off. . need a break. . Sunday, November 18, 2007 It was quite tempting. .You see so many friends around you start taking that puff and you are really tempted to join in. . I was like the only one who resisted even lighting up the cigarette and putting in into my mouth yesterday night. . We had another round of pubbing session at the same tanjong pagar pub yesterday and well, that was the conclusion i had made. . . though i had observed this trend since the previous few times, yesterday's incident finalised my observation. . It was no big deal actually. . just that i had to really stood by my principle in the midst of a drunken daze in order to resist the move to take up a puff. . . and while seeing some of my best friends who wasn't even a social smoker took up that puff. . People may see this 'strictly no taking of puff' as guai. . but i see it as a principle that i must adhere to. . it's such a simple rule to obey. . such a simple rule that if i can't even follow, it only reflect how weak my mental will is. . it's also a simple reason why there should be strictly no puff. . -it's not very economical to pay to sniff in toxic. . it isn't very wise to take in toxic when you know is toxic. . So well, i must continue to stay cigarette free. . anyway. . i didn't manage to sleep enough after reaching home at 6am in the morning. . it's kinda difficult for me to sleep in the day time. . so probably have to wait till tonight before i can regain back the 7hours of sleep, as indicated by saf. . tomorrow's officially gonna get into the job itself. . no more training, no more honeymoon, i should get prepared to get frequent scoldings from the customers as i foresee myself to make many errors at the start. . whatever it is. . think of the payslip that will come at the end of the month, it maybe a little bit comforting. . Saturday, November 17, 2007 Until now then, had i have the energy to send in another blog entry. . .all the way from tues to fri, there was just little left in me after a full day of training to make me feel like blogging at all. . it was kinda tiring. . for the only things that i did each day after work - eat, watch tv, online then sleep. . . i slept at times that were almost the same as in camp, if not earlier. . . it will kinda be another whole new phase of 'no-life' experience. . similar to that of ns, just that i get to see home everyday. . sian. . . anyway, finally finished an entire week of training. . it's a lot of things to learn. . and i'm so afraid to screw up. . just really hope for the best. . next week is the official start of work. . whatever it is, i just look forward to 21nov now, the remainding days to it i only wanna let it pass swiftly. . . if it isn't turn out well, i may really consider burying myself in work, working more OTs. . already next sun i'm scheduled for a weekend shift. . Went to get a hair cut just now. . and it's been like, almost two years since i had stepped into the salon i frequent before enlistment. . it has shift to another location in the same area and i finally managed to track it down through my mum. . . i was kinda surprised that they still have an impression of me after so long. . at least for the lady that cut my hair for me, remember me as the one who wear braces. . well. . not important though, most important is to give me a nice cut. . more than 10days after ord now, it's time to revert back to getting a nice hairstyle. . i was thinking of highlighting but looking at the present length of my hair. . too pathetic to do so. . so, i simply trimmed a bit here and there, got a layer that is freaking too short to be called so and the lady boss just charged me 10bucks. . a welcome gift for an old customer.? i vividly recalled that i used to pay 12bucks. . regardless of what it is, i hope i can go back for a highlight soon. . 30bucks she told me. . and the lady boss had really done alot to try and retain this old customer, putting in plenty of sweet words before i left. . well thanks, it did made me feel good for a while. . Monday, November 12, 2007 So first day of work. .travelled all the way to ayer rajah. . i woke up 6.30 in the morning. . left home at 7 just to be specially early for this day. . so that my usual habit of late coming won't kick in today. . it wasn't too bad for the first day. . according to my standard. . i never ask for much you all know. . just don't be too screwed up will do. . i got to meet some new guys. . we have got 17 of us there and probably i have talked to about 4 or 5. . look forward to talk to more of them, if i have a chance. . i'm not that much of a person who can speak to anyone on the street as you all know that, so well, i took some time to get to know people. . initially it was kinda lonely and awkward, as most of them arrived in clique. . i was like one of the few there who don't know anybody in the group. . it was only through an introduction session that i know my first guy there, edward. . a 17 years old who had just completed his o levels. . subsequently got to know few other guys, all just orded too. . It was good new when the training location was changed to somewhere nearly plaza singapora last minute, and we travelled down to the place by cab during lunch break. . over the next few days training sessions will be held there and that will means less transportation time and more sleep time for me. . the training itself was pretty dry. . it was lecture all the way, telling us about the various cable programmes they offered etc. . entirely similar to returning to school, and i tried really hard not to fall asleep. . luckily the instructor was kind enough to let us return home early today. . 45 minutes earlier, wrapped off at 4.45pm, not too tiring afterall then. . . Sunday, November 11, 2007 Tomorrow starting work already. . . i really don't know whether to be happy or sad about it. .one thing for sure. . if i don't start work quickly, there will be plenty of worries. . first there will be no income, second life will be boring and third it will be a waste of time. . it will gonna be my first time taking up a full time job, and i had already signed a 3months contract with the company, starhub as a customer service consultant. . . the first two week will be a training probation period, but i still get paid 7 per hours. . after the two weeks it will be 9 per hour and there will be a rotating shift. . the pay is considerably high, though the location is kinda far, at ayer rajah. . i have to take a train and a bus then after. . still, nothing is far compared to that dear camp that i had stayed for 1.5 years. . so anyway. . i still don't know what to expect for tomorrow. . just maybe hope for the best. . don't screw up and socialise well with the people there. . not gonna ride my bike to work tomorrow too. . just after the first day of getting my bike that i had really realised that it's dangerous riding on the road. . i guess i won't ride to work until i have become pretty sure how to get there, the traffic condition etc. . for now. . a safer mode of transport. . Saturday, November 10, 2007 You always ask me why most of my entries are sad. .it's a simply logic, sad things stay longer in my mind than happy things. . happiness are so short-lived to me, it's gone before i can even put them down in words. . Friday night was pretty high for all of us. . me, cheeyong, wan ting and ziying. . we were out at k box, having real fun singing songs, shouting, screaming, dancing, clubbing and whatsoever. . . it was damn fun. . . Perhaps one thing to confirm when you wanna have fun. . that you needa let go of yourself, forget about your worries and focus all your heart and soul at the moment. . indulging in fun and excitement. . I really like singing. . . i know i can't sing well but after going to so many times of k box, party world and even pub to sing, i have unconsciously developed a kinda character that when i go to such places, especially k box, i wouldn't care about anything but just sing. . i started off getting high the moment i sang my first song. . especially excited because it was my first time singing with them, in the presence of them. . Of course, the three time didn't lose out either. . and they are damn high also. . look what kinda crazy things can they do. . standing on the sofa cushion and shout at the top of their voices. . oh no. . they are singing, not shouting. . but it was really fun, funny. . you never failed to be entertained with them. . however, probably because i started getting high too soon, towards the end, i actually felt kinda tired and the steam in me cooled. . nevertheless, i felt bad. . they were busy enjoying their english pop which i know nothing of when they realised i was like sian, and had to give in to by switching to chinese songs occasionally. . well. . maybe i only know chinese songs, but i'm really entertained by their hippyness and so influenced by their punkiness when they were singing english songs. . it feels like a combination of club and coffee shop. . . noisy environment with punky english rock songs sang by two person who sounded like quarrelling, ziying and cheeyong. . hahaha!! then before that we have, mei nu er ren zu, by zinc and one thing. . i had recorded a clip of their beautiful duet on my phone. . not forgetting that four of us had numeral duets with each others. . extremely sentimental, extremely touching. . haha. . fun moments, i will remember. . Cheeyong must be waiting for me to post an extremely negative entry today. . . He reads my mind. . I wouldn't call this a very bad day. . just a bad day that i will label it. . . Couple of moments ago i was asking myself, why am i spending time doing all these voluntarily while knowing that i'm really lousy at them. . . i would make a fool of myself, disgrace myself and eventually screwed up the entire programme. . I could only give the excuse that the contents were not easy to be put through so that the kids could understand. . deep in our heart you and me know that the fault lies in your incapability. . . I can be frank to myself here. . . i can't even present a simple powerpoint presentation to the kids. . i'm just like an amateur motorcycle rider. . wobbling all the way. . in the end managed to get to nowhere and fell down instead. . I showed my weakness in front of everybody. . where 8 out of 10 of them are strangers to me. . at a place where i command a place as volunteer, like a teacher to the kids. . yet portrayed an extremely nervous front while presenting, as if a signal to them that this person is pretty much of an useless character. . Tried as hard as i might, this weakness that followed me throughout my secondary and junior college life continues to haunt even up to today. . I aim to impress, but so far i had mostly disgraced. . The presentation part had struck me the hardest, because it reminded me of a long spell of such handicap in me. . and i would easily sank deeper into misery for the part that came next. . We built a model volcano using plasticine, intending to show the kids a vigourous reaction that resemble a volcano eruption. . the first demonstration totally didn't work. . i was left down there in front of everyone. . i repeat the experiment the same way for another couple of times and when it still didn't work, my brain just suddenly went blank. . i looked to victor, seeking for help. . somehow he managed to get them back into the room for some games and i got some help from the rest to do another demonstration. . it didn't turn out any spectacular, but at least it was considered done. . haiz. . i guess i have failed terribly as person isn't it. . they say a person should always hide his/her weakness. . look at mine. . weaknesses that you can see even without knowing me personally. . they say a man shouldn't practise self-pity, look at me. . i don't pity myself perhaps. . i'm just pretty upset about myself that's all. . Tuesday, November 06, 2007 Ord lo. . . i haven't seen you for so long. . . how are you, my pink ic. . . i miss you so much. . .finally the arrival of this days. . . 1 years and 10 months of agony. . . i felt like a bird just being released from its cage the moment i stepped out of the camp's gate. . freedom is the word i saw in front of me and two words just came out automatically. . . ORD LO!! And then, the first thing that i went to do after reaching home. . . Shower. . and off i went with my dad to look for a bike. . . we walked and look through a series shops along serangoon road. . . and finally settled for a silver phantom at one of it. . it wasn't my ideal, not something i really want, but i know reality. . . you not always can get what you want, in fact, you have to know what the situation can provide you. . . you choose the best out of it. . . I wanted a sport bike, one that is cool and stylish. . . but sometimes appearance came with prices. . . high petrol consumption, high machine cost, high maintenance and high risk. . . the phantom instead, may not be as stylo milo, yet it requires little maintenance, a lot lesser petrol consumption and lower machine cost. . it's my first vehicle and i'm certainly not keen in dumping my entire fortune on it. . probably with that kinda money that i am willing to spend, that's the best possible way out. . . alright, anyway anyhow. . . i'm collecting my bike on friday. . anybody want a ride. . ? Sunday, November 04, 2007 This weekend was absolutely happening. . i barely slept for more than 5 hours since friday's night. . .First there was the chalet at Aloha loyang on friday's night. . . the place itself was big, bigger than i expected, with four rooms, 2 storeys, a kitchen, 5 toilets, and a living room, all integrated in a terrace style, and it cost just around a hundred plus. . but it is only entitled to booking by anyone in the civil service if i'm not wrong. . it was kinda boring when i first arrived. . there were like, only two person that i know there, one of them the birthday boy, the other the organiser, and both of them were kept busy at entertaining the rest of the guests. . pretty embarrassing scene, as i stood from position to position trying to sms someone to keep myself busy. . too. . finally settling down at the sofa in front of the television, and be entertained by the television programmes. . . Luckily this didn't happened the entire night. . . gradually more people i know came and it became better. . we ended up playing games and drinking, finally getting myself vomitting after shots of chevas. . . Got willy to drive me home at about 6.30am in the morning, got to sleep for an hour and then, got myself down to the court to play soccer. . . Got home at 2 plus and went out again for my volunteer work at CDC. . Got home again after that at 7pm and got the opportunity to slack for some time before going out to a pub at tanjong pagar for another round of drinking session with the same group of buddies. . i needa empathise that though there were lotsa indecent pubs and clubs at that area, as i saw on my walk from the train station, the one that we went were 100% decent. . so there, i got myself vomitting thrice with shots of martell and chevas. . horrible feeling. . i wasn't drunk, neither was i sober. . it was a feeling of highness and slight giddiness. . I must say that i don't like to drink and i hope i wouldn't need to drink. . purely just to entertain my buddies. . while all of us are busy with our own stuffs at this stage of our lives, only activities like this one give us a chance to come together and link up with each other. . so i mean i wouldn't resist drinking for the sake of fun with friends though i don't like it. . yet i will have to make it a not so often thing. . and i will be eating my words not because most probably wednesday night they are going to the same place again. . but that's to celebrate my ORD. . . Anyway, as a result of yesternight's heavy alcohol consumption, i'm left with a heavy head, a slight nausea feeling and a tired mind and body this morning. . i even had to carry it to the soccer field for a match for tat ming. . it wasn't too bad at the start. . i still can run, i still managed to get some golden opportunities where i should have scored if my finishing was a bit better. . it was during the second half, where i kept getting this nausea feeling that restrict me from running too much. . instead, i created blunders not chances instead. . however, the thing that finally made me fell out of the match was not the nausea feel, but the toes crump on both my legs. . we lost the match 2-1. we started off with 9 men, ended up with 7 men. . Friday, November 02, 2007 Yesterday was a good day. . .I passed my class 2B TP. . . ! Hurray. . !! finally. . . Though it rained in the morning, and i thought it was not gonna be my day again. . . it all turned up fine and nice. . everything was on my side, luck, skill, technique. . unlike the other time, i got a better bike this time, i finished the circuit courses almost with ease, i survived a near cropped up outside on the road, and finally the 4 times test experience brought me through. . it was like i said, a combination of luck, nerve and experience. . nevertheless, i still went through a terrible experience sitting inside the result office waiting for the respective instructor to come in and release the result. . The prospect of my test number being called was circulating in my mind continuously, and i could feel myself trembling in anxiety. . negative thoughts completely devoured my mind. . i had even made up my mind not to take again if i failed once more. . i prayed really hard that my number not be called, the fear simply overwhelming. . There i saw my instructor coming into the room, and the first number he announced, 46!. . the intensity of my fear and anxiety tripled overtime, i vividly remembered how my number became the next to be called the previous times. . then, he announced, 49. .! i heaved a sigh of relief, not totally released as i clearly understood that there's still a possibility of my number be called. . but as i saw my instructor left the room leaving my number not called, i realised that i had passed. . i stood up all of a sudden, almost punched my hand in the air and even had to resist myself from shouting up in joy. . i was so delighted. . it had been a long and tiring journey, now that i had finally passed, it was really a released. . at least now perhaps i don't feel so much that i had lived these past 2years in army in vain. . at least now i had achieved something that can keep me for a lifetime. . So now, i really can't wait to ride a bike on the streets. . my brother said he may be giving me his motorcycle yet for the time being, he's having exam and don't have the time to go down to lta to add me as a sub rider. . no bike to ride for the moment. . . pathetic. . i have this adrenaline rush to get a bike of my own, i want to get something like an sp. . but i'm met with lotsa resistance. . my dad don't allow me to ride an sp, it's too dangerous he said. . . then came the money part, i can't possibly invest the entire of my fortune on a bike isn't it. . what's more now that i'm out of a job, no more army, no more tuition, no more income. . i will more likely land myself in financial crisis if i let this adrenaline get to the top of my head. . alright. . one more thing that made this day a great day. . went back to camp after the test to settle some administration works. . . it was one thing good, if not many, that i managed to settle most of what is needed to ord. . sent all my kits without paying a single cent, signed all the essential clearance and lastly, got that heavy duffel bag back home. . feels awesome, i longed for this kinda feeling, feeling of completing this 1 year and 10months and return to civilian life. . i'm now in the process of transforming back to civilian. . slacking my way out during my off. . . find a job. . ? i haven't find it a hurry. . let my parent feed me for a while. . haha. . just joking. . |
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Profile Name: Chen Zhicai (Call me Keith!) Addictions Hangouts: K box, K pool Objectives Sometimes, what you want in life may not be what you will achieve in life. Sometimes, what you want in life will change as you came to realise of your limitations and constraints. Careers Team: Full-time v3 player archives September 2005 Tag Me!
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