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Sunday, December 30, 2007 Good times never seemed long enough. . i just cant get enough. . .A good meet up, i can tell you after going through so much in these two years or more, jc years is still the best. . i miss those moments, seriously, back then it was so much fun isn't it. . Sometime when you turn back and look at the past, you smiled. . for the good things and the bad ones. . You saw those beautiful moments which left you with so much joy and laughters and you would also see how foolish your actions sometimes will be. . Im kinda tired so wont go too long. . A picture gonna speak a thousand word. . i will wait for the photos to be sent to me then i shall post some nice ones here. . Alright, zinc was actually celebrating her birthday today. . . a pity that i couldnt stay long enough for the cake cutting. . well i will compensate i promise. . anyway it's still like more than 8days away. . no hurry, we got plenty of time to celebrate again. . finally can get a break from word. . been working everyday this entire week. . slogged so hard and cant see the money yet. . it may not turn out to be that much either. . i just spent 200 over dollars on clothes yesterday. . another rare spending spree. . i need a change of image do i? tired of my current ragged outfits. . but changing cost money. . if i can i will be changing a new wardrobe. . 31st gonna be a special night. . i hope it turns out well. . may not have that much time to get it prepared. . pray for the best. . Friday, December 21, 2007 Went to zouk with wai gang, sigmund and kelvin yesterday night. . terrific night i had. . enjoyed myself. .i guess i never like clubbing. . always got this thought that i cant dance and i don't like to dance. . always been telling myself that i prefer somewhere quiet just to have a drink and talk cock with friends. . however, thing can just change overnight. . suddenly clubbing became a new fun thing to me. . it's fun, seriously. . if not for the high cost, i will definitely get people to go often with me. . i spent close to a hundred buck just purely on one night. . drinks, cab fares etc. . it happened to be SIM uni night yesterday. . coincidentally we actually saw quite a number of srjcians down there. . whether those we know or don't know, those of the same age or older. . the moment we stepped to the entrance and the first person came to our eyes. . bernice. . she was there, part of the organising committee i supposed. . not forgetting that she was once wai gang's crush. . i managed to get waigang to take pictures with her. . of course i do took one with her too, and the three of us took one together. . just to save the awkwardness. . i had even wanted to get wai gang to dance with her, but well, didn't manage to find her in the dancefloor eventually. . kinda crazy for me, but i felt tipsy pretty soon after a couple of drinks. . anyway, relax and enjoy. . it's good feeling to be in the dancefloor once you have a drink or two. . it was quite a good way to splash cash. . we have got at least 6 graveyards. . awful drink but you get high pretty soon after having that. . 2 flamy lambos, 2 gin tonic and then some other funny drinks which kelvin and sigmund actually ordered. . i shouldn't forget to mention that i was there immediately after work. . got my bag along and actually found that wasn't any more space at the bag deposit. . simply just dumped it at a remote area at the hotel outside and retrieved it back after the party. . and i realised then i wasnt the only one who chionged after work. . cindy was there too, to my amaze. . i continue to be amazed when i saw jocelyn, in the dancefloor. . this night was to be super happening as familar faces popped out one after another. . even till i was leaving i saw my primary school classmate, william outside. . a tiring day at work finally over now. . carried my weary body with insufficient sleep back to the office for a full day of work. . but it was damn fun. . look forward once more. . Tuesday, December 18, 2007  Don't say no picture. . don't say never update. . here you got one. . I took kinda long to blog this happy day that i had spent with this bunch of kids. . I smile when i thought of them. . they were simply awesomely loving, cute and special. . The moment i introduced myself to the group, the moment they know me, we were like bonded together as if we had all known each other before. . That's perhaps the thing about kids, they won't hesitate to be your friend as long as they know you are nice. . I was wearing my srjc official t-shirt on that day. . and from the moment of the icebreakers, they started calling me 'officer'. . amusing. . then they started following me where-ever i went initially. . It was the start of a fun day to come from that point of time. . It's amazing how far that you can go when you actually put down your image and do all sorta things in order to make it fun. . To them, you have show them you are fun person to be with, yet to an extend, to yourself, you know that you have a role to play - to take care of them like a big brother besides ensuring they do enjoy the camp. . I'm surprised at how enthusiastic i can become in these kinda outdoor camp. . or maybe it could because of the kids. . you know that you have done well when you can sense that the kids do like you. . and to me, it may sounds ridiculous, it was when they actually dare to crack jokes on you. . well, chermaine and crystal laugh that im a gay and then tried to pull down my short. . ya ming kept doing that action on his mouth, implying that my mouth is big, then he kept asking my age because of the white hairs i have. . i have another girl who i had forgotten her name because she came in kinda late, who kept sorta wanting to irritate me with her words. . havoc kids! but it was all for fun, laughter, peace and joy. . Words just won't be able to describe how much i enjoy the company of these cute people. . not only for my group, but for every single kids we have in the camp. . they were terrific bunch of children. . a pity that i wasn't able to stay with them because of work in the morning. . anyway, the last thing that did for the night was the decoration of christmas tree. . i had got pictures of what they had done. . beautiful they were. .   I had got a wish written on a card hung on one of the trees. . it says 'happy everyday'. . it was a simple wish. . yet how easy for it to be fulfilled. . alright. . great day with the kids. . hope i will be able to see them all again some day. . Friday, December 14, 2007 i can tell you i hate going to see a doctor. .and today, just now, was the first time in my life that i had did anything like this. . i am as fit as a fiddle. . just perhaps slightly sleepy because well, sleep is never enough to me, what's more that i have to wake so early these few morning to attend to my job. . so there i went, intending to go to my family physician initially, i ended up at a clinic at hougang green. .it's a lot nearer and well, a higher chance to get my wish fulfilled i thought. . i hesitated in walking in actually, it was kinda crowded and i was still figuring out a way to make my 'act' convincing. . walked a big round around hougang green and finally took the courage to step into the clinic. . i was a new patient there, i filled up the form. . keith chen zhicai. . took up a seat and waited patiently for my turn to consult the doctor. . meanwhile, i was brainstorming for ideas how to bluff my way through. . . it's kinda amazing how powerful your brainpower can be, purely just sitting there for a couples of minutes made me so sleepy and within moments i have found myself in an unwell mood. . my turn came, i was kinda anxious. . however in order to make it so obvious, the first answer i replied to the doctor when he asked me what happened was. . "nothing much actually, just a slight migraine since this morning". . he proceeded to ask where it hurts. . pointing to the left and right of the head. . not sure if that had exposed my true colours, i opted not to take any of the 50/50 answers, instead i told him it was the back. . i do remember having ache on the back of my head anyway. . he went to do a couple of more tests. . taking my temperature, blood pressure, shining light into my eyes. . i felt myself shaking. . i didn't feel comfortable taking these these test actually. . anyway, i went on to lie to him that i have been working pretty hard these couple of weeks and it accounts for a lack of rest. . all these such that in the end i can request for him for a day of mc tomorrow. . i got my wish. . at a $28 expense. . that's a lot of money. . $20 was my budget then. . i wanted to go to the polyclinic tomorrow initially but it crashed with my volunteer work even if i take the earliest time. . so, big money spent, looks like i will have to work a bit more ot to make up for this unnecessary expense. . but then, i felt guilty too. . even as i needed this mc so that i can excuse from work for the volunteer camp tomorrow. . i saw those who were on the queue to consult the doctor. . young kids, old folks who looked really sick to me. . and there i am, perfectly well, feigning illness and lengthening the queue. . i wouldn't want to do this again if possible, i may not have integrity, may not be a good fellow but i do have my conscience. . this is kinda bad to me. . alright, tomorrow gonna be an entire day in the volunteer camp. . i was intending to go down tonight to have some briefing with the rest of the volunteer, but well, it will be quite a hassle since i still have to go down early in the morning to jssc to arrange the kids over there. . i hope tomorrow i will be fun. . . it reminded me of odac, the second orientation camp. . i miss the times. . where me, jerry, raymond and pow, went through recces, had a great time organising the camp. . it was really fun, memorable also. . How far would you go for someone you love. . I will do what i can, what about you. . You cant have one party giving, and the other party only recieving. . you need both parties to be giving the same amount in order to make it work. . If dont love, dont force. . we always know that love cant be forced, how many times have you thought of making someone who dont love you to love you. . I choose to let you choose what you want. . but i will never regret what i chose. . i never regret the words i said. . i never regret what i did. . i may have failed. . but i tried. . if there is one more chance again. . i will be better. . Monday, December 10, 2007 You finally reply. . is that the way you say good bye. . ?You told me that you have made a rash decision. . you told me you weren't ready to commit to anyone. . you told me the first ones who came into your mind was your closer friends. . you said we should take things slow. . you are right. . but how do i contain this agony inside my heart. . i am a man, a guy, i am gonna be 21. . why am i still feeling this bitterness inside when i have told myself that i had got prepared for the worst. . let me sank in this sea of sadness tonight. . . i promise i will wake up tomorrow and return with a smile to my life again. . . Sunday, December 09, 2007 i dreamt of you last night. .you told me your fine, you told me what had happened was our test of time. . you told me that we will still be like before. . suddenly i found myself holding your hands again. . yet at that moment where i found we were so close once more, i open my eyes and saw myself facing the reality. . i don't live in sadness. . i don't indulge in agony. . and in fact i live a normal life just like you and me for most of the time. . but sometimes when certain things just came to my mind, i became too carried away with my emotions. . im not immature, not that pathetically helpless enough to sank my heart and soul into deep agony for too long. . but sometimes i really prefer to let it be what i am, to quietly feel the sadness in me. . well, don't have to worry about me. . rong said i am someone who knows how to think about things. . that's a fact. . i believe i am, perhaps a bit foolish at times but i do know what is the correct way to handle my own affairs. . Friday, December 07, 2007 If this is true, then heaven must be playing a cruel joke on me. . .but why. . am i denied the right to know the truth. . . im getting back where and how i used to be. . if that had not happened, how will life be then. . will we be happier. . . the thing about this job that i am on is that you can really have very bad days. . . today is one of them. . . i got so many dispute cases, got scolded by a few braggarts. . i feel like telling them to f off all the times. . im so tired. . . i had been OTing for the last two days just not to have my off day returning to clear the outstanding 5hrs ot that must be cleared every week. . i realised perhaps returning to clear all one of the off days will be a better choice. . anyway, i managed to get this swap from sunday to saturday so that i can play some soccer tomorrow. . i desperately needa let off steam. . all these stress accumulated in me, almost gonna turn me into IMH. . it wasn't a good week. . how do u read the mind of someone else. . . how can you touch the heart of another. . . one day when the truth is unravelled, you will hear the shattering of the heart. . . AGONY, PAIN, MISERY. Tuesday, December 04, 2007 Rong told me, that god will never give us a smooth sailing life. .God gives us a life, filled with adversities such that for every one of them we overcome, we learn, gain something and become a better person. . . He was right. . I am a person who know this all the while. . A lot of times i had managed to apply this. . that im not afraid to fail because i know that after every failure, i become better. . im just one who learn things through the hard way. . i screwed things up initially, because compared to others, im slightly more stupid and took a longer time to learn and adapt. . but eventually, after all the initially hiccups, i still managed to stand up high and tall. . in this job, i must say i created cropped up 90% of the times. . others may be saying what i cockster i am, i don't care. . i know this is a difficult initial phase of the journey that i have to go through, that after this, things will become better as i become better. . I haven't been able to apply this for every areas of my life. . i must learn to. . - adversities provide opportunities to learn and be better. One of the few strengths that i know that i have is the level of commitment that i give in anything i do. . no matter what is it, soccer match, working, training, relationship. . when i do something, i give my heart and soul. . but i should realise that this could also be my downfall. . i have an impulsive personality. . In soccer, i never hesitate to give anyone a piece of my mind when he actually made a mistake that lose the game. . the point is, i had worked so hard in the game and can't accept the fact that someone else had actually made my efforts all gone down to drain. . It was more of impulsive than anger. . i just blew off without processing it in my head. . i have to change. . In a relationship, it's never only about giving. . im overly dedicated, too anxious to give everything i could, too rush to get relationship going. . i forgotten that i needa give the other party breathing space. . Everything, anything you do, you have to get it processed in your head before it's done. . Never be overwhelmed by a moment of impulse. . Im so useless now. . but im trying to learn, to change. . god didn't give me a smooth sailing life. . indulging in agony. . i couldnt read your mind. . . was it right from the start. . if i live my life again, will it be a better one. . Saturday, December 01, 2007 Im so tired. . and when im tired, im extremely negative. . .work, work, work. . worked so much in the end i don't even see the purpose. . now that im bonded to this contract, i cant even say no that i don't want to work. . im damn sian. . damn sian. . don't feel like working anymore. . but this sucks, i cant choose not to work. .it's draining all my energy, it's lefting me little time to do the things i want. . i really don't see the worth now. . yet sub-consciously i still realised that i need that income to buy me the kinda life i want. . the luxurious clothes, the lifestyle. . im damn tired. . i really need a source to throw all my frustrations into. . fuck man. . i feel like dying. . pardon that i don't really use vulgar in my blog. . this is freaking similar to army. . i hate it. . i don't have time to enjoy at all. . cant even play soccer on saturday. . damn it . .!!!!! now that i know i cant be a good boyfriend. . i fucking get jealous so easily. . perhaps im too tired. . too tired. . |
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Profile Name: Chen Zhicai (Call me Keith!) Addictions Hangouts: K box, K pool Objectives Sometimes, what you want in life may not be what you will achieve in life. Sometimes, what you want in life will change as you came to realise of your limitations and constraints. Careers Team: Full-time v3 player archives September 2005 Tag Me!
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