Is that my work?


I'm proud of it, yet i come i don't seem to feel it is mine?





The moments of seeing it work was fantastic. . delighted, astonished to see it swinging. . I witnessed how it had failed in the previous few times and truly understand how tough is it to get it working. . and then somehow, in front of me, the thing is swinging almost perfectly. . it was amazing. .





In my mind, it was a 'wow'. . i was part of the group who made it possible. . in name only. . as i see it working so beautifully, what came to my mind was that im not the one who got i working, oscar and sean were the men who did out all the calculations and came out with the idea, not me, besides admiring the wonders of it. .





Well. . i know im lousy. . and i accept that. . but im willing to learn. . certain things i cant stand though. . i do not accept the limit of my ability and i don't want them to dedicate the easier tasks to me. . it's an insult to my ego. . not only that. . i will be learning nothing if i just continue to do the easy stuffs. .


that was why i chose to do the exploded axonometric drawings . . that was why i want to say now that i was pissed off with sean when he made several 'sarcastic' remarks during a few occasions. . i didnt fare out, nor am i someone who bear grudges. . i just feel that i don't deserve these simply because im not as 'architectural' inclined as him. .

maybe they are pissed off with me too. .

we got different frequency, we are of different league already. .



I had two of my recent assignments back today. .They were still screwed. . at this point of time i reallly have to pray hard that i don't flung this module. . so far. . zero good work. . zero positive comment. .

tell myself it's ok. . that i will get out of this. . i will be better. . and hopefully so. .